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The best Christmas gift ever

Although I'm a private person, hopefully sharing my experience is helpful to someone else. Since something special happened, today I'm opening up about the relationship with my mother.

She was little when my grandmother got very sick. My mother really wanted to get a more advanced education, but my grandfather was the breadwinner, so she had to drop out of school to take care of her while her older sisters were working and because her parents couldn't afford it.
When she was 15, she started dating my father, but soon she broke up with him because she couldn't make time for a boyfriend.

Even if she worked hard at home, her father had never caressed her face or shown appreciation for her commitment. "I only got hugs from my mother when I had a fever. It felt good. She was warm and soft. You know, your grandma has always been chubby". When she told me this, I burst into tears. I was in my teens, and I thought she was doing the same thing with me.

When I was a little girl, she kissed me goodnight, and sometimes I asked her to stay. She caressed my hair, and held me until I got asleep. These moments got rarer with time. Everywhere I went I saw mothers comforting their children when they were crying, and be very happy for them whenever they accomplished something.
I felt different. My mother has never made me feel that proud about myself. This made me cry so much throughout the years, but then I realized no one has ever told her "I'm really proud of having a daughter like you". 
She has never comforted me in that way, and has always told me to stop crying making me feel a whiny little girl. She only does it when something is inevitable, she says. I do this whenever I find a problem overwhelming, so I vent my feelings and start searching for a solution right away. 
I believe she cried a lot when she realized her parents considered her as a servant.
In spite of everything, she took care of them until the end.

Doing most of the housework and working hard to provide us enough money to lead a better life is her way to say me and my dad "I love you".  I help her as much as possible to say "I love you too" in her own language.
I will always be the one to hug her first, and I know she will never be a very affectionate mother, but I'm extremely grateful for everything she does for us.

Yesterday she was talking about volounteers in rest homes, and I replied it's a noble way to spend your time since many elderly people are alone. Her eyes welled up with tears when she asked me "What are you going to do with us? Are you going to get rid of us?". I hugged her tight, and said "No. Just because I don't show I love you as often as I should, it doesn't mean I don't".

Then, for the first time in my life, we calmly talked about our relationship. She claimed "Being a parent isn't easy", while she has always blamed me for making everything so difficult, and she listened to what I had to say.

Since during the holidays we are forced (let's be honest) to be around parents and relatives we have a complex relationship with, why don't we try to let our feelings out? Of course we did it many times and things didn't change, but having a heart-to-heart conversation with them, and saying we love them even if they are a pain in the ass to put up with is the best gift we can give to them and to ourselves.

Merry Christmas everyone!


My experience at Central Saint Martins

Photo credit
You can find more photos on my Instagram

Last week I attended the Introduction to Fashion Journalism short course at Central Saint Martins, my dream school.
In the beginning, I was scared. It was my first time travelling alone, and, most of all, to a city I'd never been to. Since I'm not used to travelling, I had mixed feelings about this, but I was determined to make a dream come true no matter what.
I had no internet access for a few days, so I got lost many times, but I asked directions to some nice people, and reached my destination. In the evening, I talked to my loved ones on the phone, which was weird. I don't like phone calls, but they made me feel a little closer to important people in my life. I loved hearing their voices after a long day.
This course exceeded expectations. It was taught by Harriet Worsley, who made me love every second of our lectures. She is kind, down-to-earth, funny, and shared with us loads of information about her career. 
She wanted us to speak our minds, and talk about our experiences. This made everything more interactive, and interesting. I really enjoyed this kind of exchange. It allowed us to learn something from her, and viceversa.
There were 14 people in our class coming from all around the world, and each of us had different backgrounds. Worsley made us work in groups or in pairs. This was a nice way to discuss about ideas, learn together, and know each other better. She also assigned individual tasks, and, as we reported fashion shows, wrote features, news, and did interviews, I noticed my writing was improving quickly.
This was one of the most challenging experiences I made so far. I grew as a person, and I feel inspired, and enriched.
I would advise this short course to anyone who loves writing about fashion.
Have you ever been to London? If so, did you like it?


Dior and I

A woman twirls around like a graceful ballerina in a voluminous dress, and, right after, we can admire a few clips from that famous 1947 fashion show. Here's a first approach with one of the most important revolutions in fashion history: the glorious New Look.
Raf Simons wasn't the obvious candidate to become creative director at Christian Dior. He was known especially to those working for menswear, whereas Dior's work had a great impact on femininity. Simons have always dealt with the ready to wear world, but Dior is famous for his high fashion masterpieces. Raf Simons wants women to move comfortably in their clothes. Dior gowns, au contraire, are stiff, and full of layers.
The New Look is opulent, and the Belgian designer is erroneously reduced to a minimalist just because he has worked for Jil Sander. Most people were in fact skeptical about how this part of his career could influence his work for the French fashion house, including myself.
Raf Simons would never compare himself to Monsieur Dior. He is honoured to be "part of the family", and he knows it won't be easy. He feels the weight of responsibility, and has very little freedom due to the strong identity of the brand. He has to look at old pictures, old clothes, and then visits the house in Normandy the designer has grown up in, and that is now a museum.
Both of them are joined by the passion for flowers. Christian Dior inherited it from his mother, and claims he has designed flower-like women. Inspired by Jeff Koons works of art, Raf Simons decides to cover in flowers the walls of a private house located in Avenue d'Iena, imaging what an incredible smell they would have exhaled during the show.
They are both art enthusiasts. Simons can't live without art. This time he is including a few Sterling Ruby paintings into his collection. When told they are very difficult to print on fabric, he answers his work is "New Couture". It requires experimentation.
Let's talk about the fashion show. Center parted straight hair replaced 1940s curls. Forget about Pat McGrath 1920s-30s inspired crazy makeup we saw with John Galliano, because all we have here is made of pop colours, and pastels. Dior's beloved stilettos become sculptural heels. Simons gowns are lighter, and shorter.
Watching Christian Dior Fall 2012 Couture Fashion Show for the first time left me pensive. I had to watch this documentary, I couldn't pass up the opportunity to - eventually - see things in a different light. This movie is striking, indeed. I adore the fact seamstresses admire Monsieur Dior so much. It is like he is still around them while they are working. We can often hear Christian Dior's voice-over, and see him in the atelier through flashbacks.
I love Simons' sharp sense of humour. Documentaries can be quite boring, and repetitive sometimes, but this is not. He is so funny!
He looks calm, and shy, but totally knows what to do. He had barely 8 weeks to create a high fashion collection. Pure madness, but it turned out great. I appreciate his way of combining tradition and modernity in general. He has successfully brought his own aesthetics in a historical fashion house. We should keep in mind he isn't neither John Galliano nor Christian Dior. I guess this is why we were confused in the first place. He has worked for Jil Sander, but he isn't just a minimalist. He works for Dior, but he has his own personal world, and cultural heritage.
Did you like the show? Have you already watched the movie? If so, what do you think about it?


"Mi spoglio per combattere i pregiudizi"

Parlando del rapporto tra bellezza e moda, è impossibile far riferimento all'anoressia visibile sulle passerelle. Non solo un corpo emaciato non è considerato esteticamente piacevole, ma si teme che il bombardamento di questa immagine femminile da parte dei media porti all'aumento dei casi di disturbi alimentari riguardanti soprattutto le fruitrici più giovani.
Al fine di contrastare il fenomeno, sono nati innumerevoli progetti, tra cui questo, con lo scopo di promuovere l'accettazione di corpi di tutte le taglie e forme. Indubbiamente, è un fine nobile, ma c'è un limite e, purtroppo, non si attribuisce la stessa gravità al disturbo opposto: l'obesità.
La modella plus-size Tess Holliday, ad esempio, sprona sì ad amare se stessi, ma senza tener conto del proprio peso. Amare se stessi non significa prendersi cura del proprio corpo seguendo uno stile di vita sano? La bellezza va oltre la salute?
A questo proposito, oggi vorrei introdurvi il progetto ideato da Alessia Liberale, su YouTube PassionMakeup89, e da suo padre, il fotografo Maurizio Liberale. Concentrandoci sul livello più superficiale, nelle foto vediamo una ragazza obesa in intimo in pose seducenti. Apparentemente, non sembra un'idea innovativa: lavori del genere spuntano come funghi sui social, ma c'è dell'altro.
In previsione di un intervento di chirurgia bariatrica, Alessia vuole salutare la vecchia versione di se stessa per iniziare il cammino della rinascita prendendosi, in primis, una rivincita personale. Come scrive sulla sua pagina Facebook, prova a lasciarsi scivolare addosso le critiche come ha fatto, non senza imbarazzo, con i vestiti. Se gli obesi normalmente si nascondono da se stessi e dagli altri, la youtuber partenopea, al contrario, si spoglia non solo per rivelare il proprio corpo, ma anche per liberarsi da "paure, ansie, angosce, vergogne".
A mio avviso, il messaggio più positivo trasmesso da questa giovane e ammirevole donna è: "grasso non è bello, ma non deve essere nemmeno vergogna". Alessia vede la sua patologia come sinonimo di discriminazione, di morte, come "un mostro" che fa parte di lei. Sottolinea come l'obesità sia ridotta ad un problema di salute risolvibile con dieta sana e attività fisica, quando, invece, ne viene trascurato l'aspetto psicologico.
Forse ci troviamo davanti al primo caso in cui l'obesità non viene glorificata, ma mostrata per quello che è oggettivamente, cioè 144 kg che impediscono ad una ragazza di vivere una vita normale.
Da ignorante in fotografia, non mi azzardo a giudicare le tecniche utilizzate. Da osservatrice, però, apprezzo particolarmente il modo in cui il fotografo abbia messo il risalto il viso ben truccato e la pelle chiara di Alessia. La luce appare delicata e non invadente. 
Trovo azzeccata la scelta dell'intimo: non risulta sfacciato, ma sensuale e adatto al suo fisico.
Le espressioni della ragazza suscitano tenerezza. Dal viso espressivo sembrano emergere emozioni e nature contrastanti. Si nota la timidezza derivata dall'assenza di abiti, ma anche la determinazione di mostrarsi per un'ottima causa. Si lascia guardare per quella che è, ma nei suoi occhi non c'è rassegnazione, bensì voglia di cambiare.
Alessia è una giovane donna femminile che, però, davanti all'occhio fotografico del padre, lascia uscire un lato bambinesco, dolce e giocoso. Più volte ha ribadito l'imbarazzo provato nel farsi fotografare da lui in lingerie, ma, nonostante questo, traspare la volontà di aprirsi, una complicità profonda e bellissima tra padre e figlia.
Ammiro moltissimo il coraggio di spogliarsi nonostante le insicurezze. Non nego di essermi emozionata nel vedere le foto e nel sentirle descrivere il progetto. Ringrazio Alessia per avermi permesso di scrivere questo post e le auguro di cuore buona fortuna per la sua nuova vita.
Conoscevate questo progetto? Cosa ne pensate?


Tess Holliday, la top model curvy, firma un contratto da modella: "Mandate al diavolo gli standard di bellezza"

Mi spoglio per combattere i pregiudizi..Grasso non è bello,ma...

Polemiche sulle mie tette..Sono volgari?Rispondo...

Le mie foto Nuda,dai vestiti e dalle vergogne...


Start to love again

I rarely talk about my personal life. My friends know that inducing a pathological introvert like me to do so is like squeezing blood from a stone. Poor babies, I'm such a pain the ass difficult person to deal with.
I've met so many awful people I've lost count of all the times I asked myself "what's wrong with me?", so I curled up like a hedgehog. Being different can be an amazing value, but in these cases you end up feeling insecure, and wrong as I said.
Last night I had a lovely heart-to-heart conversation with a dear friend of mine.We bonded almost immediately since we started talking about a year ago. All the pain we went through made us stronger, and more mature than before. He is so inspiring, I admire him so much. He makes me want to be a better person.
Unfortunately we all bump into someone who makes us feel gross about ourselves, but there are great people out there as well. They don't judge our mistakes, don't put pressure on us, recognize our flaws as little things that make us special, they support us and what makes us happy, they love us, trust us, and take care of us.
We shouldn't let anyone tell us we're not enough, we areBitching about who makes or made us cry is easy when we are hurt, but loving and taking care of people who deserve our big heart is the biggest challenge, and personally my biggest joy. We can get out of toxic friendships or relationships. We can gain or gain back confidence. We can forgive our own mistakes. We can start to love again even if our heart hurts so bad.